At the very least for a temporary basis, I am signing off from Trivandrum, my sanctum sanctorum for 20 years of the 21 years of my life. The place that I was brought to after being born in N. Parur [near Ernakulam]! I will definitely miss this place. I have had a taste of big cities, and well honestly, other than the hang out joints, the cool places, the stuff you get and the well places you get to see, I generally am NOT a person who likes cities adorned with people. I don’t like crowds, and I hate having to share my space with tons of people. I would love to have the road to myself and probably enough cars to maintain a good speed and have safety. I would rather have the music world to myself and the helpers over there. I would rather have the restaurant just about filled with people to make the place look filled and not crammed. Although Trivandrum has many flaws of its own and has well the record time for digging up newly constructed roads, it did have the nice feeling of laid back place, where you can indeed live your life, rather than spending it [all pun intended]!
I like to know the shopkeepers around me, saying hi and bye on a regular basis, who are ready to help you in whatever way they can. I like to know the roads and have a vehicle. I like to come back to a place of my own and have my space to do anything that I want. I am going to really really really miss that particular aspect of my life. I am going to have to share my space with about 5-7 other people who I will have to START to get to know [not that i am bad at it], but until you really know them, you will feel that they are well – a STRANGER, and how much trust you can place with them? I am going to have to learn to manage my life. Finance, dresses, shelter, transportation etc. Accept responsibility for the work you do, try and enjoy, start on the “continuous learning process” and well chart out a career path and start a thread to keep a check and report to you every once in a while the status of where you are and is there any need to upgrade/degrade the path?
I already miss some of my pals, and now I am gonna have to start my life over with some new pals. I thank GOD that I am good at meeting people and making friends, else I would really have suffered. I have a tendency to become a loner, as that is there in my blood. I was a loner for only 2 years of my life – THANK GOD [11th and 12th], and I have totally grown over that! :)! [YAY], and I seriously hope, I will not fall into THAT RUT.
I hope to enjoy my life and feel that I am in complete control over it and am not moving about it, as if I am going in the flow. I wanna make sure that I am SWIMMING the direction and am in total complete sobreity over the decisions. Hehe, I know I am going on and on about boring stuff, but I feel that I have reached a point in which I think I really really need to hold the reins and lead it the way I want it to go.
But, hell I am gonna miss the people who have been SO much a part of my life and I have taken them so much for granted that I suddenly feel the pangs of guilt, feelings of love, affection and responsibility towards them. I am going to miss them terribly. Thatha, Ammamma, Amma, Ro, my pals – Lax, Gau, Sonz, Anoop. I already miss that ass Sid. I am indeed going to miss them all.
But, life has to move on, and I guess things are taking a turn for the good only. I was apprehensive about my work 2 days ago until I actually thought about Harsh and how much he has MADE his work enjoyable. I am sure I can definitely enjoy what I do. I mean for crying out loud, I actually enjoyed my course. I am sure that I can enjoy whatever I do, so there my fears were eased.
Hell, I have gotta say this! I am going to absolutely, undoubtedly miss Trivandrum, Amma, Thatha, Ammamma, Ro, Appa! I will terribly miss Lax, Gau, Sonz, Anoop and you too Sid!! I am going to miss the routine to college:
Get up, brush my teeth, shit[v], take a bath, dress, drive the kinetic to college, say yo to all the people i meet en route to class, hi to the teachers, pass my exuberance to the people around me, get my legs pulled, pull some legs, cut class, go to A-one, go out for food/matinees, series time sudden preparation, exam time meet ups with sid and remin, the hang out at P’code, the telephone conversations, the online discussions, hearing class gossip years after it happens, get back home and lie to Thatha that I had gone for project work!! I think this is probably one of the most emotional points in my life. I have had only one b4 this and that was when I left US to come back to India. But, this beats the hell out of it. Never knew how much I was delved into my own surroundings and totally oblivious to it!! =)! I am going to surely miss you TVM!! C ya soon!!!