Beautiful Pain

Silent, lulling the pander
To end this seamless wander
Is this the thought that passes
Through a suicider's mind?

Act upon thought or lack of it
They extinguish the lit
In an act of confidence
They decide to take the flip side.

What can probably make them hate their life so much that they decide to undergo the pain and the suffering to end it? End, the precious life? I agree – people can be sad, mean and at times, plain bad! They can feel that everything is pitting against them. Nobody seems to care about them. Nobody seems to give a damn that they are completely aloof of what is happening in the world. I can even understand the fact that majority of the people cannot and usually do not relate to you very easily. Everybody seems lost in themselves or in the company of others.

They make you feel all alone, and you just become mute. You don't mingle any more. You just dwindle along with the rest of the world. You become a loner. Your thoughts just wander along untread paths. Retrospection, introspection and other *spections just seep into your life. You wonder about the meaning of life. You wonder why you exist?

You tend to ponder about unseen worlds, which you have only heard of…

He couldn't beleive it was his own writing. As he pondered over his current situation, he realised the gravity of the change his own mind has undergone. He wasn't the same person anymore. Life had taken him through extremes. Death was now pandering him. Mute, he let the old piece of paper slip through his fingers, not that he could have any more control over them.

A sudden black out seemed to sweep in. He tried breathing…

He wanted to read more. He wanted to read more of that paper! Memories were flooding him from every side.

As I had my last drag for the day, I suddenly thought about pain. Never in my life, did I ever think about it this way. I had always attributed it to something a person would never wanna have. I always thought that people who would inflict pain on themselves would be masochists. Yet, the pain I felt today washed away all such thoughts from my head. Was I going crazy? Maybe I am, but then I always was wasn't i?

I was always the weird one everywhere. That was normal. And, why shouldn't it be? I always prided myself for the fact that I was a unique personality. Maybe today, I would just take the para-normal plunge. What would the world do, if they see that I am not there anymore. I can't obviously vanish into thin air. But, what if I die? Would the world really mourn my death? How many people would really care for me if I just end, my life line, forming a steady rhythm to a mind-numbing beep?

Silent, lulling the pander…

The warmth brought him back to reality! He looked into the mirror. The color was slowly ebbing away from his dusky skin to a ghostly pale white. For the first time, he saw his face so dead. Along with the color, life itself was slowly flowing. Initially it was a steady gush, but now, after holding it tight with a knot, it just decded to slowly drench the white hankie he had to a crimson red.

He suddenly didn't wanna end it this way! He wanted to live for more. Experience love, life, the simple pleasures of life

He wanted to watch his neighborhood kids play cricket again. The bustle, the noise, the usual kid crying out that he wasn't out….

He wanted to watch his family again, although they were at a faraway place now! They didn't really know or care he existed anymore. Not after he decided to ditch them in favor of his girl…

Suddenly, he felt all alone! He was had by life. And the beautiful pain just entered him again. Aaah, maybe it was meant to be this way…..

Maybe it was this darkness that he had been waiting for all the while…

5 thoughts on “Beautiful Pain

  1. The “Confused” me:

    “Huh,whats happening? What did you just say…”

    The “Philosophical” me:
    “Why should any of us worry so much about the few decades of life we’ll have at most when an eternity of oblivion is our only true destiny? If there’s no afterlife, and death is followed by eternal oblivion, then what’s so bad about that? Some say only the “weak” commit suicide, but maybe, the truly smart people are the ones who just kill themselves and get it over with. Why should death be feared or avoided?”

    The “Like I care” me:
    “Like duh, who cares!!

    The “Real” me:
    Whoa…profound…really really profound…
    I dont know what to say!!

  2. Hmmm… One of the most interesting comments I have received :-D! Wondering which one to adopt now ;-)! Lemme try a reply in the same lines :-D!

    The “Awestruck” Me
    Wow, that’s a nice comment! Really really creative

    The “Paranoid” Me
    Oh no, she’s gonna take over all my blog hits now

    The “Philosophizing” Me
    Yes, but then what is “life”? Isn’t it what you make of it in these decades of your existence. You would “lead” a life more than mere existence only by experiencing it. You cannot just give a non-care attitude! However, your line of reasoning is highly convincing ;-)!

    I still believe that it is wrong to just take life, whether it be any life, including yourself! People, others put in a lot of effort in making life. [No pun unintentionally intended]. It’s not right upon us, to just take it away!

    Many disagree, especially the ones who have taken their life. I personally know of a pretty close friend, who took his own life. He has no idea of the trauma it caused his family and friends. It was a shock! The worst part – his family holds themselves responsible for his act of stupidity! So, I don’t think that suicide is never a solution for something.

    The “Real” Me
    Thanks a ton!

    The “Ultra Real” Me
    What is so confusing about this particular article for me was that I had started off the title and the two stanzas on my b’day! And I can’t quite remember what I was thinking. The story just sorta stemmed off y’day!

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