Today I had a first hand experience of the German doctor. After many days I had the chance to play TT and well I didn’t wanna miss it! Consequently, I went to the Siemens Stadion, in Komotauer strasse where in I was supposed to meet with a colleague of mine and we engaged in the game of Table Tennis, Ping Pong, Tisch Tennis! Little did I realise when I started playing that apart from getting my ass royally kicked in the game [Me: 3 – OTher dude: 5] that I would actually manage to sprain my back and be in the most absurd situation and position I have ever been in my life.
Imagine this – left leg slightly squatted. Righ leg stretched at the right opposite angle. Body tilted 30* to the vertical from waist up, jutting my stomach out like a pregnant woman with my left hands supporting my hip. This was my situation up until emergency help arrived in the form of a doc carrying an injection, which contained a muscle relaxant!
At around quarter past 10, totally in the mood to avenge my royally kicked ass, i decided to serve the TT ball and did the normal squat before serving. Well, let’s just say I never really recovered from it. A sudden burst of pain just paraded around my lower back. It was like the Rio-de-Janeiro party was going in my lower back, except that I couldn’t see the naked black women and block the naked men!! It was like there was a rath yatra in my lower back!! I tried getting up by myself and realised that I couldn’t make it even if my life depended on it!
So, then the person I was playing TT with told me that he’ll get some help! I told please go ahead and then suddenly some form of rationale kicked in and I said. Wait a minute – Hold your horses laddie. German docs charge 80Euros just for consultation for a common cold. They are gonna rip me off when they get their hands on a guy who can barely move and doesn’t know how it happened. Think of the amount of Scans, X rays and what not that are gonna be suggested. I am not even aware if I have received my health insurance card from the IDC – International Delegation Centre. So, let’s not rush things! Lemme try and get up and get home. Furthermore, I dont wanna be in the hospital when my landlady is bringing a prospective tenant to the house for a viewing.
So, the next 20 minutes was spent trying to get up. First I was lying down on my back! The pain subsided and then I proceeded to lie down flat on my stomach. After a burst of pain, that also subsided. Then I was lying sideways for sometime. [This must have caused that weird angle thing]. Then with the other guy’s help, I sat – first my legs straight out and my back bent and then back somehow straight and paining like crazy and legs crossed.
Now, everytime I tried to get up, the parading people started banging on the drums. Except that they were using my lower back as the percussion instrument. Party was on full flow when the other guy had the sense to get a chair and I tried flopping on it like a toddler trying to get up. In the toddler’s case, it’s cute and really nice, coz well he’s learning. In my case it was pathetic and painful!
As I finally managed to sit on the chair, I told him in scrawny tired tone – Please Get HELP!!. So then this guy rushes out and manages to get help from a really old guy, who could speak nothing but in German. All I could say was Help!! PAIN!! Loads and loads of pain! Help also came in the form of BB Singh, the punjabi who could speak – Punjabi and German. Thank God, Punjabi and Hindi are similar. I managed to convey where the pain was and how it came about and then he translated it into German to the old dude. The old dude went and brought an ice-spray. They sprayed in the area where the pain was there and well, it seemed to vanish in 5 mins. I was able to stand up – knowing very well that probably my muscle was dying right now, but I just wanted to get outta there and get home.
As I walked up the stairs, the spray was losing its effect and I realised that soon I wont be able to stand anymore. So, I told them – ok – let’s get to the Hospital and fast people. I need to get home for an apartment viewing in 2 hours. However, fate had its interesting hand to play and well, gave me a quasi feeling that the concussion just lifted and I was able to breathe again. Till then my breathing was caught by the pain!!
So then I changed plans and told them – let’s head home instead as the catch seems to have lifted and I am feeling quite comfortable right now. So then Mr BB Singh and S dropped me back home. S left and then I proceeded to “tidy up” the place how much ever my back could manage. Then around 12, I was just too much in pain to do anything else so I drifted to sleep.
At 1pm, i woke up – in terrible pain and moved about, cursing about with any movement that I made. I _had_ to get help. This much I had decided. So then, as soon as the apartment viewing got over, I gave a call to P. He suggested a number – a friend of his – a medical student, who he thought would be the excellent guide to get to me a good clinic and also suggested that I call Sr. I called this medical student dude first and told him the situation. Poor chap seemed a bit confused and tried to help me as much as possible, suggesting some hospital names that I should tell the Taxi guy to go to. I couldn’t bear to tell this confused student that I was in a pitiable state and that I just can’t move. So, I told him thanks and proceeded to call Sr.
Told him, of the problem. Afer a snickering laugh, he told me that he has an emergency clinic rite next to his house and he will go and tell ’em. They should be coming to my house immediately. Meanwhile, he will call M and both of them will come to my house. Hehe surprise surprise, when Sr and M reached my house even before the doc got here.
However, just like most of the docs I have met in my life – they bring along this sense of comfort and peace along with them. To sound cliched, he had this Halo around him, of this protective angel – and the background score was going Hallelujiah Hallelujiah, and then to make it slightly more _my religious_ Ommmmmmmmmm….. Oommmmmmmmm…….
Anyhoo, he came, he saw and he took the injection out and then gave me an option – injection or tablets? My first instinct since I abdor, detest, execrate, loathe needles getting into my body through a hole created by the same, or for that matter even any natural hole, I said – tablets please. But then M said injection would be a lot more effective dude.
Still in fear of the injection, I asked the doc if he wanted to check the area, and make sure that he’s prescribing the right thing – and the doc said – of course and then asked me again – after the check up, where in he told me that my muscle was stretched away to glory and was as hard as a stone! [Mentally pleased with myself and thinking hehe working out does help]. I said ok doc – the injection if it’s faster.
So, he made me lie on my side and pricked the thing rite @ the muscle and injected the relaxant. I could actually feel that my muscles were becoming a lot less tense. Then I finally managed to lie down comfortably. He left after making an enquiry about my insurance, which even with the help of M or Sr, we couldn’t find. [Note to self: have to talk to IDC regarding the same]
He left telling me to not move for the next 2 days and to call the emergency number in case I am not better or if my pain increases anytime. :-)!
Well, I had a lotta time yday and well, I thought about a lotta things – NOT!! I was watching The Daily Show with Jon Stewart thanks to Harsh’s suggestion and talking with my better half. Should I have thought alot, naah, I was just missing being pampered @ this point of time.
Something like this would have brought excellent food, warming care, and amazing talk time with the people around me back home. Here, I was just all alone except connected through the phone and the Internet but with no people to take care of me. I kinda missed it big time!!
Furthermore, its when u can’t move that u feel like dancing and jigging around or lifting your laptop or settings things right in their right places. 😛
Anyhoo, somehow will manage to pass today!! Yup!!
Update: Woke up today [day after y’day and the day before tomorrow] and well the pain has definitely decreased. I am able to move about – albeit with some restrictions. The angle has reduced to 5* from the vertical.
*Crossing my fingers* and hoping I am ok by tomorrow. I still feel the need to be pampered *sigh*!!
11 thoughts on “Broken Backs and no mountains…”
Damn! I know considering the gave situation at hand/back, I’m not supposed to laugh. That said, I think I laughed so hard I pe….nevermind!
This was pretty much the funniest post you’ve come up with in a long time man…right from the title down to the post itself!
You shud probably get that med insurance thing fixed soon though…
Plus I think Craig Ferguson is funnier than Jon Stewart! 🙂
Danke schuen!! Craig Ferguson is good, however, his style is more slap stick, goofy on-the-face. JS on the other hand, he’s got suave, when required dude. Furthermore, really love the people he gets in and I like the way he handles the show – the spoof on the news reporters angle ;-)!! Nice :-D!!
Update: Back, back to being bent @ 30* without pain. Things to do on Monday: call up my IDC POC – damn acronyms and yelp – HELP HELP!!
Hey, hows u now? Damn, falling ill in a remote country is the worst thing and you dont even have anyone around.. hang in there. I love the way you have tried to make it seem humorous…
How am I now? Good q:!! Well rite now wished my darling sis -Happy B’day and now just waiting for tomorrow. As I already mentioned, my back is back to being bent to the left @ 30* and somehow I just cant seem to straighten it! *worried – oh yeah*
However, I am seeing one possibility here – if my other side is also “lifted up” to correct this tilt, well I gain about 2″ of height. Wanna suggest that to the doc I am gonna see once i get my insurance details in hand. *Devilish laughter* praying also to God, better not make me BB – Bent Back, Broken Back, whatever acronyms u can think of with bent, broken and back or to that sort =S!!
And trust me – it SUCKS to be alone in another country, with no1 to look after you. I mean for crying out loud, I had to get up with all the pain and open the door for the food I ordered. Sit in some weird angle so that I could tear the rotis off and have it with the curry, and then lie down and skip dinner [for the fear of tearing ur back this time] and then fall asleep hungry!!
Scarier is the fact that I may have to live bent back for the rest of my life as I didn’t contact emergency soon enough!! If that’s happening, I am counting on “the Man”, the mothership, whatever you call it, to actually make sure that I get reimbursed for the physical injury/ mental trauma I am suffering rite now ;-)!
And thanks for asking Bul =)!!
W O W !! So much pain, n yet u manage to create such excellent humour??? Awesome man! I seriously suggest u send this blog to some magazine. U might earn some money dat can b used to pay off those hospital bills 🙂 So Hi-5 bro…. Oh not that high…Careful … the muscle might stretch away to glory and get as hard as a stone again 😉
Jokes aside, get well soon 🙂
Update: Yippee!! *Doing a small jig* Naah, not that much also, but yeah, the back is back!! Woohoo!! Now, the situation is back from “pregnant woman” to “old man/woman [nope not those kinda people]”.
Yeah, the bend is definitely decreased to a state, where in I have to strain my eyes over a mirror for about 4 mins [not that I mind doing that] to find any faults :-D!! But, then I think that was always there.
The only problem _now_ is that shifting position takes some time. As in, to get up after sitting, the back will take about 30 seconds to get used to the change and accustom itself to the situation. Otherwise, everything is back to hunky-dory!! :-D!
@ all4love: Yo A!! Wats up? I am telling you – couple a real-life incident with some raving/ranting – humor automatically comes out :-P!!
whoa..wat timing…i was playing TT today and twisted my left shoulder so hard that I felt lightning shootin along my whole left-side, my arm went numb, and couldn’t lift it for sometime…also started gettin streaks of pain on my chest too…phew..yeah but all said, not even close to ur condition! hehehe..BUT STILL..i continued playin! (and lost miserably)…GWS bud.
I am up!! I am up!! Back again – Back on the road again :-P!! Hehe, you too buds, how you feeling now, stan_da_man?? :-P!!
What’s up with TT and getting people royally hurt these days?? ;-)!!
Is it that, or are we getting old?? :O!!
Oh oops! seems u had a bit of a bad time.. good u getting back to standing straight. am sure the pregnant woman pose wwouldnt look good on ya ;P! hehe.. got news of the insurance stuff?
Hey, you write very well… I am really amazed, check out my blog too.