It's unfortunate that it took me 40+ years to sit down and inspect my mind to better understand it. However, better late than never.

I realize that my brain when left idle spawns unlimited threads. One can say that I am almost overloaded with signal. It could be sound, touch, smell, sub conscious, unprocessed thoughts. I have NEVER had "nothing" go on in my brain.

There are a few times my brain quiets down. When I am enthralled by a particular problem and I am processing through the various aspects of it. When listening to music, when I am working out.

In almost all other times, my brain is constantly churning.

I can articulate it only now but I've done this since I was a kid. Writing is one of the ways I slow my brain down and focus on a problem. Writing slows down the infinite thread spawn and it helps me ignore signals from the outside world. Signals that are otherwise like siren calls for my attention.

Writing helps me slow it down to the speed of my pen as I craft my thoughts into words. It's honestly, relaxing. I think this is why I write. I write to process. I write to think. I write to not go to my default setting. I write to clarify. I write for the unprocessed thoughts to shrink. I write for relief - a respite for my churning brain. I write for peace.

It feels cathartic. I didn't realize writing is this therapeutic to me.

While I also write digitally, like this post, I want to talk about writing in my journal. I restarted writing in a journal in 2024. I'd gone digital since 2003-ish and it stayed that way for 20 years.

In an attempt to help process my unprocessed thoughts, I picked up writing using pen and paper in 2024.

I grew up to see my dad be particular about things. He always used a Pilot Hi Tech Point v5 pen. He would purchase a blue, a black and a brown (and have inks available to refill as needed). He was also particular about writing on good paper. While the choices were low, what I remember most is the JP Bond paper that he used to prefer along with his diaries.

So, maybe that's why I also grew up to liking pens and good paper. I use a Pilot Frixion Knock 0.5mm pen. It's perfect for the type of glide I like on the type of slightly creamy paper that I prefer to write on. I still have a soft spot for 2 more pens - the Pilot Precise v5 (the equivalent of the Pilot HiTech Point that my dad prefers) and the UniBall One. The Precise has more watery ink and can hence smear on certain types of paper even though it can often be smoother to write. The UniBall One at 0.38mm is one of the finest point pens that maintains a good balance between a fine point and the scratchiness associated with finer points.

I usually write early in the morning. I wake up at 3:30 and do my journaling from about 3:30 - 4:30 with a warm mug of coffee.

I don't go in with a specific intent on what to write. Some days my brain starts with a plan for the day. Other days, might be a feeling I want to process. And other days might be recalling a concept or a thought and then looking at it from different angles. I also almost always doodle along with the writing. I find that visualizing concepts that way helps it stick a little better too.

I follow the flow. I find that it often brings out unprocessed feelings or connections that my brain might have formed subconsciously, but can now articulate.

This post is a perfect example of such writing. I started with no specific intention. The flow took me here. I can make a connection though. A close friend had asked me how I journal and I told him very similar words.

p.s. it's interesting that how I journal is also how an LLM operates. Will have to spend some time thinking about that in a future post.